Answer: Because you are selfish and letting your children run your life while telling your husband to act like a weak, tiny pussy with no voice or penis.
I feel actually sorry for the woman in this pathetic rant. I really do. She sounds like she's got something of a clue.The "love doctor" is again, an unforgiveable fricking idiot. She says hardly anything right; this just goes to show how little good advice and support women have these days. Its outrageous and destructive. Its killing families.
The FEMALE love doctor is wrapped up in feelings. Feelings are a DISTANT SECOND in marriage. Most couples when pressed will say that they were WILDLY IN LOVE at first and very happy. Feelings were just fine from the start - what BENT the feelings were duties, responsibilities and stress. Once those things are conquered and CRUSHED, then the feelings suddenly and inexplicably flourish and everyone stands around askance and glowing at their new-found miracle of feeling - the feelings are alive and living, but they are typically being suffocated by the weight of life's demands. The answer is to psycho, hyper-organize and prioritize like a goddamn 4 star general in war all of life's demands and give the feelings some fucking ROOM AND AIR.
Here is the real response this lady should've gotten:
Madame, divorce is not an option. Family courts are a nightmare and the lawyers will bankrupt you; you will win the house and all of your hubby's money. Then he was go crazy and move away because he was wiped out; your kids will then freak out and get on drugs and alcohol because they've lost their father. You can do NOTHING to help them, but you will stick them in therapy and it will cost a lot. Then you will try to pick up another guy and when you mention you have kids, he will want to run away. No offense.
Furthermore, your marriage is totally salvagable. Most are. Your husband and you were reckless to have two kids so fast, so announce that out loud. Second, your kids are spoiled, selfish brats because the liberals believe spanking and ALL FORMS of discipline amount to torture and you are stupid enough to believe them. Without discipline, all kids act out like crazy, looking for limits. Pick up a Psych book. Trust me. I'm a father of 11 years. My boy's mom was TOTALLY CLUELESS. Further, you don't let your husband properly father. Let him be the bad guy and BACK HIM THE FUCK UP. Let him discipline the kids. He wants to; you don't. Your kids will cry and scream fake cries. Tell them you love them and to STFU. Period. Done.
You know what's bad for kids: DIVORCE, YOU MORON. You want to spoil the kids? STAY TOGETHER. So kids now go to bed an hour early. Who will that kill?!?!?! So they'll wake up early. So what. You and hubby need LOTS OF FUN TIME, RIGHT FRICKING NOW. You need to tell jokes and stories and drink - yeah, drink. Every night. Blow off steam. Calm down. Laugh. Watch movies. Go out. MONEY IS NO OBJECT. Tell your husband he is in command with the kids and when you feel the urge to overrule him, SHUT THE FUCK UP. He has PARENTAL INSTINCTS TOO AND THEY ARE RIGHT. So quit being a fucking know-it-all. Every mom thinks she knows it all. Mom's run families these days and the kids are disrespectful monsters. YOUR HUSBAND WANTS TO KICK ASS AND YOU WANT HIM TO AS WELL SO GET OUT OF THE WAY.
He'll feel like a man, you'll calm down, the kids will ACTUALLY LISTEN TO YOU BECAUSE THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES IF THEY DON'T, and it won't take 3 hours of your fun time just to get them to bed. Your fun time is zero right now and you need it to go from zero to awesome. You and your hubby need to fool around - a lot. Sex HELPS A LOT. So get a bottle and tell the kids if they get out of bed for anything other than going to the bathroom, THEY ARE GETTING SPANKED ON THE ASS.
Kids have been tapped on the ass for centuries and none of them died. The trauma they declare is nothing but an act and they are fine. You still love them and will tell them so RIGHT AFTER SPANKING THEM. The kids run your life right now and your life is a chaotic nightmare, hence the stress and fighting. THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO COUPLES WHEN THE KIDS RUN THE SHOW.
NO ONE IS IN CHARGE; there is no real authority - that is a very. serious. problem.
Your house is a random collection of insane inmates and there is no ORDER. The kids, YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, AND YOUR MARRIAGE NEED SOME GODDAMN ORDER. RIGHT GODDAMN NOW. Not after therapy, not after a month or so of talking. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.
WAKE UP. Divorce will RUIN your life and you will NEVER EVER trust anyone ever again. WAKE UP.
Tell your husband he has the right to KICK ASS and then back the FUCK OFF, I don't care HOW MUCH it stings. Your husband WON'T KILL ANY KIDS, SO CALM DOWN.
Remember this is for the kids, this is for you, it is for THE FAMILY.
Your husband is mad because he can't do what his instincts tell him to do, he can't earn enough, can't discipline the kids, can't please you or make you happy, and so he feels like a loser; want to change things? MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE A LOSER. Then he'll be happy to take you out at night and let you have your way. If he feels like a bum, he's going to dig in his heels and fight for some goddamn respect. GET IT?!!??
Your family and his family? EFF THEM. THEY DON'T RUN, LIVE, OR HELP YOUR MARRIAGE, SO EFF THEM. THEY COME DEAD LAST. All they want to do is spoil your kids and your kids are already spoiled.
The order of importance is here:
1) THE MARRIAGE
2) THE KIDS, but only basics such as food, water, shelter. FUN AND GAMES, NO.
3) Husband
4) Wife (whoever occupies #4 is actually happier than #3)
5) Fun playtime for kids, WITHIN REASON and without infringing on #1-4
6) If there is time, GRANDPARENTS
7) EVERYBODY ELSE
When there is a conflict, THE MARRIAGE comes first. Why? BECOMES IT MUST. Quit running around being everyone's bitch. Starting with being your children's bitch. They need you and they need you sane and stable; SO START KICKING ASS. You and your family will stabilize and happiness will be within reach.
DO IT NOW.
I don't like my husband
Q:Hi Meredith,
I am in need of some advice and/or maybe some "just deal with it" perspective. I am a married woman with young children. My husband and I got married and then very quickly had children. As a result, we didn't have a lot of time when it was just the two of us, and the stresses of raising children have definitely gotten to us. Here is where I need the advice ...
Although I am very confident that my husband is a great father, I am much less confident that we are a healthy couple. I fantasize about divorcing him frequently, and often find myself thinking that if money and kids were not issues, I would be totally out of this relationship. I don't get much joy out of being with him, and we are constantly bickering with each other over things like cleaning, child rearing, our respective families, etc. I end up getting so angry and disgusted with him and vice versa. We've tried couples counseling and it helped a bit, but I think the fundamental issue is that I just don't like my husband very much. I find him nit-picky, defensive, annoying, and overly demanding. Any reserves we had are pretty much gone. And there's nothing really wrong with him -- he's a nice guy with a good job, good sense of humor, from a good family, etc. I'm just not that into him. But of course being married with small children makes it pretty difficult to just get up and go. I don't want to hurt them.
So, should I just deal with it and try to find things I like about my husband or should we do something else? Which is worse? Parents who don't really like each other or divorced parents? Advice? Thanks!
– Trouble in Suburban Paradise, Medford
A:I would never tell you to "just deal with it," TISP. Is that even possible at this point?
Experts go back and forth about the kid issue, but my official, advice-columnist opinion is that kids are happier when they have happy parents. Of course, divorce won't necessarily make you happy. It might solve some problems, but it will absolutely create others.
I don't know enough about your situation to endorse divorce. I will only say that if you are certain that there is no love to rediscover, no healthy partnership to save, and no future laughs to be shared as partners, then yes, divorce seems like a pretty practical option.
If I had you in a room with me I'd have to ask: 1) What spawned this marriage to begin with? 2) Were you happy during that short time without kids? [JB: Uh, probably - that's why they got married, dumbass] 3) When you fantasize about divorcing your husband, how do you envision your single life? [JB: However she envisions it, she's wrong, as she's understimating Hell. She's not envisioning; SHE'S FANTASIZING.]
It sounds like you need to bring up divorce in therapy because that's where you can safely answer my questions and decide what's at the root of this. There are ways to avoid bickering about cleaning, kids, and in-laws, but if the fundamental issue is that you're not into (and maybe don't like) your spouse [JB: impossible; you never would've gotten married if that was the case], you're just going to keep hitting a wall [JB: yes you'll keep hitting a wall because you're trying to be equals when mom wants dad to be dominant and she wants to play Santa with the kids all day and mom won't say that and dad doesn't know that].
Go back to that therapist and ask: What is the best-case scenario for this marriage?
Then talk about my questions and find out whether your husband has the same
answers.
[JB: Really? Why would a man have a woman's answers?!?!?! How about instead, BE RUTHLESSLY HONEST WITH HIM AND LET HIM BE RUTHLESSLY HONEST WITH YOU. THEN AGREE TO GET SHIT DONE. NOW.]
Readers? Therapy? Divorce? Is this about the kids? Help.
– Meredith
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