This is a post about rape according to the author, but honestly I'm not sure what to do with it.
How could anyone?
I take it we're all supposed to feel very hurt for the victim and feel her pain, but like many college to post-college aged girls, she doesn't seem to understand how rape OR CRIME works.
I'm terribly sorry this girl suffered this experience, it sounds like she's very scarred by it.
That said, as if we were jurors in a criminal case, we must put a label on what exactly occurred here.
Let's get this straight first - this woman had sex that she regrets and she does say the word "no." She states this pretty clearly. Does the man hear her? Does she say it loudly or with any force at all? Does he take "no" to mean "not right now."? Is he just trying to push his luck a little hoping a little more foreplay will work (yes, men do this sometimes). I don't know, but the tone of her article is extremely submissive. She describes how she wanted to push and kick and scream and shove the man away - but she didn't. She asks "why are you doing this?" but I must (in trying to be impartial) ask, does the man know what she means by that? Does he think she's asking "Why are you having sex with me" (as that is the question he answers) when she means "why are you forcing yourself on me?"
Then she makes him breakfast the next day?
Are we to expect this man to know he did something wrong? For Chrissake he was rewarded! And men don't treat women right these days? No kidding!
I don't know why some women (girls, etc) feel as though they have to let the sex occur if they don't want it. That's what this girl did. She said "no" once and that's it. Let me tell you something reader, if someone was trying to have sex with me and I didn't want them to they would hear the word 'no' quite a few times followed by some serious head injuries. Its called self-defense. Furthermore, women are far from helpless little lambs. The female thigh and hip region is INCREDIBLY muscle-dense and powerful. Kicking, kneeing, biting, scratching, etc. These things make most men get the picture pretty quickly - proceed at your own peril. And just about every man out there, driven for sex or not, likes to keep his face intact. He also needs to know if you're being submissive or if you mean to accuse him of rape or not. Whispering "no" ONCE isn't much of a deterrent, and honestly its easily dismissed 15 minutes into foreplay by a turned on man. He's not going to slam on the brakes and ask you how you feel. Do you think he would've kept going if she said "you are raping me right now," and given him a shove that he could feel? Most men have an ego of some kind and practically none of us feel we need to rape anyone in order to have sex. Its an insult and an effective one. If a man takes loud "No's," and repeated physical abuse including scrapes and scratches and bruises and then TOTALLY OVERPOWERS the girl and forcibly penetrates her, THAT IS RAPE. PERIOD.
What I gather is that she wanted him to stop but didn't want to offend him or lose him as a boyfriend or potential boyfriend.
LADIES, IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE BEING RAPED YOU BETTER DAMN WELL RUN THAT RISK.
Rape is a class A felony, the same as murder and arson. It carries a prison sentence that can run 20+ years. If you accuse a man of rape you are likely sending him to jail for 20 years. YOU THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE. Whispering "no" and then having sex with the guy is not the same as him pinning your arms down as you scream violently and prying your legs open to violently penetrate you against your will: THAT is full-on rape.
What's described in her post is sex she regrets at best and some grade of sexual misconduct at worst. She doesn't seem to be describing a violent sexual assault (that's what rape is!). When a "rape kit" is run, the victim is examined and physical injuries are discovered - vaginal bruising, tearing, etc.. Rape is a VIOLENT crime. I'm willing to bet this woman suffered NONE of those injuries, ergo no rape was committed. I wish I could've given her some words of encouragement before this happened and built up her self-esteem. That said, some guy wanting to share physical affection with a woman he things likes him very much and not receiving any real push-back, doesn't make me want to string him up in Sing Sing for 20 years.
And ladies, if you do not have enough confidence in yourself or a strong enough sense of self to stand up and tell a man no and knee him in the crotch if you don't want him to proceed, YOU OUGHT NOT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL. Same for men: if you cannot stop when a woman says 'no' (louder than a mouse whisper, I hope), you should not be dating, period.
I address this posting more to the ladies because men have very strong sexual instincts, lower emotional I.Q.'s, and they typically look to women to tell them when to stop. I don't think girls today are conveying what they really mean; they are too damn scared of losing their boyfriend or potential boyfriend. How do I know women are not conveying their meaning enough? Because if they were, every accused rapist would have damaged testes and a broken nose. You know, SIGNS OF RESISTANCE from the victim. What is going on when the man accused of rape doesn't have a scratch on him? Is every rape victim drugged and tied up before they know what's happening? That sounds very unlikely to me.
What I see are lots of reports of cases of sex women regret. Recall ladies, MEN ARE PROGRAMMED, THROUGH NATURAL INSTINCT, BY MOTHER NATURE, TO INSEMINATE AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE SO THAT THEIR OFFSPRING HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF LIVING. I don't like this fact, I didn't give men this instinct, its not excuse for any man raping a woman, and I'm not demanding women sleep around to support mens' instincts. I'm saying women need to keep in mind, some men want to be in a long-term relationship with you and some just want to sleep with you. MOTHER NATURE IMBUED WOMEN WITH INTUITION AND SENSITIVE FEELINGS SO THEY COULD BETTER GAUGE WHICH ONE MEN ARE AFTER. Use your instincts ladies; don't sleep with a man just because he wants you to and don't even get in bed with a man who isn't talking very seriously about marriage after many months of dating and if this means you don't get laid until you meet your husband at 28 years of age, SO BE IT. Women who sleep with more than just TWO MEN begin to suffer higher rates of divorce later in life! It is in WOMEN'S best instincts to sleep with as few men as possible before marriage! Do the feminists tell you that? Or are they too busy demanding men reprogram themselves?
Women followed their instincts years ago and kept with only men serious about them and believe me while there were still incidents of misunderstands (and yes, even rapes), they were MUCH, MUCH LOWER than they are now. There was also a MUCH higher marriage rate, a MUCH lower divorce rate and a lot of alpha males who did not sleep around like they do today because most women could sniff out what they were after and TURNED THEM DOWN.
Take a lesson, girls. No girl should have sex she regrets and no girl should think twice before losing a boyfriend or potential boyfriend because he demanded sex she was not ready, willing, and able to give.
