Runaway Husband Syndrome

Make sure it doesn't happen to you. Because its a vicious and dangerous killer and its on the move. It could gobble up your children at night, it could ruin your life. So be prepared! Learn to spot the signs! Your husband could LEAVE YOU! So check for any sign that he could be going and if you spot something suspicious, why maybe you should leave him first! Call a lawyer! Know your rights! Know what you are ENTITLED to!

[At this point, most divorced men should have killed their computer monitor as many men have been divorced for reasons which still leave their mouths agape, questioning what happened after coming home to a locked door or accusatory state social worker].

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/runaway-husbands-unfaithful-abandon-wives-warning/story?id=10829180

Let's start with the low-hanging fruit:

"As a therapist, she had counselled couples on divorce, but Stark was completely unprepared for the disintegration of her marriage."

- Are you freaking kidding me. Nice piece of journalism, dear author. She's a couples therapist who couldn't keep her own marriage together? She saw no signs, held no suspicions, heard no complaints, etc.? Impressive. What intuition. That's like being a professional golfer who can't get par at the local mini-golf. What does she tell her clients? I assume advice she herself cannot take? My guess is that her husband is the Lester Burnham type (See American Dream) and he just goes along with the program. She's too busy having a big, sexy career to notice her husband is a self-loathing schmuck. So was he... until he decided not to be, it seems.

"Three years ago, Montreal author and therapist Vikki Stark took the red-eye flight home from a book tour, eager to be back in her loving husband's arms."

Oh, cute. Check it out - she takes a HARD, HARD flight back from HER OWN book tour, to see her 'loving husband.' I guess his job was to go meet her at the airport and welcome her back from her long trip. A trip that was all about her success and her career. Jesus, I'm already thinking this was one understanding guy. So she has a big shot career. What does he have? What does he contribute to the family, to the relationship? It sounds like she makes the money. I mean, he's at home, apparently, waiting for HER.

"How do you deal with the hit to self-esteem when you feel like an old dish rag he threw away?" she said. "How do we turn anything life throws at us for an opportunity for growth?"

Sorry? He "threw you away?" How? This lady was on her own book tour - hey lady, what was your husband doing? Does he have a career that he LEAVES YOU AT HOME FOR WEEKS AT A TIME FOR? And if he did, would someone whisper the word 'selfish' about him? Would someone ask him what his wife did all alone for weeks? I guess he understood your career.... or you thought he did. But perhaps you running off to your career (like a mistress, nearly), for weeks at a time, made him feel like the one that was a old dish rag that was thrown away? Do ya' think? Just maybe? Emasculating maybe? Yeah.

"More than 400 of women aged 45 to 60 from around the world responded to her online survey, and their stories were mind-boggling."

Around the world? Wow. A whole 400. Blow me down. 400 out of.... what hundreds of millions? You could make it 5000 women and still be a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the women in the world. That number does not EVEN BEGIN to portend any sudden-man-leaving crisis. Besides, the reasons for those husbands leaving could be wide and varied and have nothing to do with her situation. Her husband had no role. He couldn't contribute anything she couldn't. The only job left for him was to cook and clean and apparently that wasn't enough for him. He should've told her that a long time ago. Now she has to troll for another poor-luck loser. Study after study shows testosterone-filled, alpha-male, top-earning men are happier than the "even-steven" earning men, and the WIVES of the higher-earning men are happier than the wives of the earning-equal wives, but I guess book-tour genius didn't read those studies. Of course she could've just had a heart-to-heart talk with two dozen non-alpha lesbians but that was too much work as well. She was too busy patting herself on the back for knowing so much. Take a lesson, madam. Relationships are like the ocean or the stock market - just when you think you have them figured out they blow up in your face. Be humbled, priestess.


As always, the author, Ms. Stark, directs the entirety of her book on HIM. What the man did wrong. What he was after. Why she wasn't good enough for him (meaning his false expectations). Blah, blah, blah. What she might've done wrong? Her culpability in his leaving? Non-existent to this woman. In other words, she doesn't really want to know why he left. She wants to make herself feel better; she wants to convince herself it wasn't her fault. At all. Even a little bit. What bunk.

Blissfully we get to the truth, which the author somehow is blown away by. What a moron. Here it is:

"[The men] are often pillars of the community: doctors, dentists, professors, pastors, little league coaches, who seemed to be involved with their families and community.

"People look at the couple and see them as having the model marriage," she said. "That's part of why it's so devastating to friends and family -- if that couple could split up, what marriage is secure?" [Oh Lord - what is this, a NOW poster article for divorce and distrust of all men everywhere?]

In 95 percent of the cases, Stark found, the men ran to other women, almost always younger, but surprisingly not "trophy wives."

"The girlfriend is not sexy and gorgeous," said Stark. "Often she is rather ordinary, not as accomplished as the wife and looks up to him and laughs at his jokes and makes the man feel like he's king of the world."

Holy shit. There you go. You can act surprised now. And I do mean act. So the secret to men's hearts is.... not net total sexiness of a woman? IMAGINE THAT. He's a human being. No kidding. Who'd'a thunk it? So the lady he winds up with is... a feminine woman who looks at him as a provider with a distinct role in the relationship, someone who admires him and needs him. Stunning. Really. I'm blown away. I mean, what MAN (not mangina, ladies) would want a woman like that!?!?! Oh guess what ladies - all men more or less want that. He doesn't want to compete with you to make money or be very successful. That's mostly HIS role. Or at least the one he ENJOYS living. Welcome to THE TRUTH. Men with balls (like me), say it. YOU seldom hear it or believe it when you do. When you out-earn your man or else out-accomplish him, he feels like a second-class citizen because that's what men are supposed to do. You're doing his job better than he can. Congrats. So what do you need him for? And don't give me a load of shit about "wanting" him or "loving him" or any of that other bullshit. Love and want are sweet for kiddie stories. But out in the real world they come and go. Love can be fleeting, I'm sad to say. As Chris Rock said, You can fall in and out of love with your wife several times over the course of your relationship. Now, NEED on the other hand.... Need, IN THE REAL FRICKING WORLD, is truthfully much more dependable. These men have a role with their new ladies. They are needed. They do something she can't do. It makes them feel worthwhile, depended on, needed, relied on. That makes men feel good. GET IT!?!?!? EVERYTHING about their old wife DID NOT make them feel ANY OF THAT. And that is a BAD thing. Comprendé? With his new wife he gets to feel like a MAN. A God-made, chest-thumping gorilla. Not someone's girlfriend with a penis. Kill the word 'partner' someone. It suggests everyone does the same things and should be happy to do the same things. Men have been force fed this shit and they've swallowed it, grudgingly. But the deep down truth is that they fucking hate it. I want to feel like a man and make you feel like a woman. Want to be someone's perfectly equal double's partner? THEN GO PLAY TENNIS WITH MABEL FROM NEXT DOOR. I'm your fucking husband. I make hard decisions, eat people for money, provide, keep the kids inline, and fuck your brains out. Sound so terrible? I've got article after article all over the web and traditional media about girls practically BEGGING to know where all the "men" have gone. Real men sister. The men I describe. Some women turned off by that? No sweat. There is some mangina waiting for them somewhere. The rest? They are smiling ear to ear at what I described. The marlboro man. Trust me. I've talked to them. You might try my little lost author.

It typically works out best when the man has the big shot career and his wife doesn't because if she had one too then tell me who cooks, who cleans, does the laundry and takes care of the kids? Answer: no one. The women's movement claims it'll just magically get done or else you will both do it. Yeah, right. That's been the cause of half the man-woman fights in America. Men just traditionally DON'T CARE as much as women do how clean the house or kitchen is. They just don't. Period. Forcing them to doesn't change reality. And sharing is the 'best' case scenario here. In our above case, wifey is gone away with her bigshot career. So the above list falls solely on hubby's shoulders. I guess he doesn't care. Or more likely, he did, but didn't have the balls to say so because his wife is the family breadwinner. So what happened? He realized he'd rather live life poor with his balls intact.

Me too buddy.

More nonesense:

"Many wives reported their husbands were "disgruntled and unhappy" at work, and figured they couldn't leave the job, but could change partners."

No, they wanted a job they could be more successful at and maybe change your relationship dynamic which is pretty shitty at present.

"According to Stark's research, these runaways appear attentive and engaged before they check out, never mentioning discontent. They are typically "conflict avoiders" and described by their wives as "narcissistic.""

No, they can't admit they feel like a loser because they make squat and live off their own fucking wife. Yes, it is their fault if they are discontent, but don't tell their wife that. But what exactly are they going to say? That he's jealous of his own wife's success? The comeback to that he already knows: "If my being successful is a problem, why don't YOU go out and become a success? I'm not going to be an underachiever so that you can feel better!" And of course, that's all true. But since this guy can't or won't do that, he's made another choice: find a different woman that makes him seem more of a alpha male. Bad choice? Not as bad as deciding to marry a woman who always had more potential than he did. If a man is threatened by that, fine; but don't marry a woman like that. And ladies... for the most part... don't marry guys who are going to resemble your housekeeper more than they will your husband.

"But when they blurt out the news, their reasons are "nonsensical, exaggerated, trivial or fraudulent," she said. Oddly, she reported, most of the men leave between October and January, perhaps because their unhappiness is amplified by holiday stress."

She's reaching here. The holidays make them feel more like a pussy because other guys are giving expensive presents and feeling, you know, LIKE A MAN. While these guys get by just because their wife offers them a joint checking account. Holidays make them feel more pathetic.

"Quite a number of men and women have affairs, and I can understand where marriages do break down," she said, "but to leave without involving a spouse at all?"

Wait, what? Men AND women have affairs? What does that prove? So the men aren't cheating anymore than the women are?

"It's like a parasitic relationship," she said. "He depends on his wife, and when he finds someone else to boost his self-esteem, he hops from the wife to the next partner."

Nope. Not even close. He has no self-esteem with you. Zero. His new lady gives him one. The poor pussy can't even tell you he resents you for emasculating him. Why don't you just bench press more than he can while you're at it.

"When women seek help, often therapists don't understand how devastating it is, said Stark."

This is fucked. And when a man is divorced by his wife, who leaves with his house, his kids and so much of his money he can never have a private life ever again... WHAT DOES THAT GUY FEEL? Why don't you look up divorced male suicide rates and learn a fucking lesson you frigging moron.

"Reality is distorted and the sense of betrayal is huge," she said. "If I can't trust 'George,' who I trusted with my heart and mind, who can I trust? You start to question all relationships."

No kidding. That serial dater breaking some poor woman's heart on page 2 of Dear Abbey? Yeah. Now you know how he trusts women about as far as he can throw them. I imagine you'll do the same. Isn't divorce great!

Go focus on your career. Its your brand new husband. Don't cry and be lonely, it makes a bad professional impression.


Addendum: To buttress my earlier thoughts, examine here, dear reader, there is a central theme at play here: two people in a relationship both sacrifice for one another - this is a tried and true axiom of marriage. When one person is having an AMAZING career, then the other often takes a supporting role - when a man plays the supporting role, this threatens him and that should be understood early on. Secondly, when both people have bigshot careers, that takes a helluva lot of time out of the relationship. Both people will feel "cheated" out of time with the other, and both will demand more and get less. A career can be every bit as demanding as a spouse - even more so. Many successful and "famous" people (Emeril, Martha Stewart, etc.) got divorced along the way. Why? Because they lived at work. They basically married their job. And I don't know anyone who can stay married to two people at the same time. One is hard enough. This is why the "traditional" method (oh, no, be scared! the word 'traditional' was used!) is for the man to have a career and for his wife to stay home with the kids - some people can live with the opposite, but many try to and fail. Many find out that they are not as "flexible" and "liberal" as they thought they were when it comes to gender roles and money. And that's fine. The truth is most men and women want "traditional" roles and studies show that men and women in those roles more often report being happy. What is happening with situations like the one above is that a man - a weak man - who didn't know what he wanted or who lied about what he wanted - swallowed the feminazi "line." That men should somehow feel guilty for not supporting a successful spouse and should eat their pride and their masculinity and accept the fact that they are the "supporting" spouse because their wife "deserves" it.

Deserve has nothing to do with anything here. And her happiness is not superior to his and vice versa. Some men can do it - some just aren't threatened by their wife's success and have their own hopes and dreams that they take responsibility for. But for many men, its just too emasculating. Its not right or wrong - its just the truth, and if it upsets someone's social agenda, I don't give a shit. Men - be who are, period.

Ladies - better really grill your man about how accepting he is about your career, and you better really appreciate him if he is accepting; it generally goes against his nature and as you've seen above.... that can blow up in both your faces.

Further, regardless of your gender, any career that is TOO successful will wind up being your ONLY relationship; this seems to be especially the case for women. When someone talks about being professionally 'successful' you should immediately think they are alone or will be soon. Professional success eventually tends to equal personal failure. And THAT, it should be pointed out, typically hits women MUCH harder than it hits men; again, THIS IS WHY WOMEN MORE NATURALLY ASSUME A SUPPORTING ROLE. Given that most women judge themselves by the success of their relationships, perhaps a bigshot career is not their path to real happiness?

Now its time for our female readers to buy a REALLY nice handbag, down an apple martini and think about going shoe shopping tomorrow; these things are the modern woman's elixir for the chronic love deficiency that makes her deeply unhappy morning, noon, and night.

-JB