Friday, December 09, 2011

"I Never Wanted To Do What I'm Doing"

I'm at a loss for words here. In summary, they are all just a big, fat mess. Where is the accountability? Where is the responsibility? No one's perfect. Including me. Feelings are strange things. But people, when you start getting married and having kids, ITS TIME TO GROW THE FUCK UP. DON'T LIE, DON'T CHEAT, DON'T STEAL. DON'T TELL PEOPLE THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE, DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH ANYONE YOU DON'T INTEND TO LOVE AND COMMIT TO FOREVER. UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?

Want your kids to end up in a mental institution, or in pornography?!?!?!

Its not easy. It can be quite scary. You're really scared? Take marital arts - then you can defend yourself if attacked. Now you'll be just fine. Be a big boy or girl and stand up and tell someone what you want and how you feel OR WIND UP IN BIG, STEAMING PILES OF CRAP LIKE THIS!

I never wanted to get married

Comments (692) Posted by Meredith Goldstein December 9, 2011 08:55 AM

This one's messy. Remember to give constructive advice. :)

Q: Dear Meredith,

I have been married for almost a year, together with my now-husband for almost a decade. We moved in after a year of dating and were happy for a couple of years before he started pressing the issue of marriage. I never wanted to be married and I made this clear when we first met -- no marriage, no kids. He said he was OK with that but apparently he wanted to "have" me, and being happy with me in our relationship wasn't enough.

Fast forward four years and I caved. We signed the papers and I hoped for the best. Over the past nine months I have tried to work on myself and have come to realize how controlling and manipulative he can be. Friends and family say I've changed for the worst over the years and I am starting to think they might be right. From gaining weight and losing interest in the things I used to love, to losing touch with close friends and family. We became each other's only friend/hobby and I know that's not healthy. He is a great guy and I've loved him dearly (otherwise I wouldn't have made him my whole world for so many years). The problem is, the moment I want to do anything myself -- shopping, talking on the phone, anything that doesn't include him -- he throws a fit and I'm tired of it. I know part of this is my fault ... I've allowed this to happen for a long time.

Now on to the next issue (because the marriage isn't bad enough?!). Six months ago I reconnected with an old crush and we began a friendship that has turned physical over the last two months. We have so much in common. Back when we met I wasn't married, though I later found out he was. Though we lost touch, I never forgot about the what-if. When we reconnected it started with talking, which turned into coffee, which turned into talking on the phone, and now here we are. Now, ready for the worst part?

A month ago he found out his wife is pregnant. The wife he claims to be so unhappy with. Which of course has left me wondering if his home life is as unhappy as he has led me to believe. Before he found out the news, he told me he never wanted kids, but every now and then I question whether or not he was just lying to me all along. Then when I'm with him, all of my fears and doubts instantly slip away and it feels right.

He says it feels like she’s having the baby to try to save the marriage and he wants a divorce regardless -- that he can be a father without being with her. He sees a future with me. In the meantime, what about me? What if he watches her growing belly and can't leave? Then, even if he does, I've never wanted kids, and regardless of how amazing we are together and our feelings for each other, I’m just not sure I can stay with him with a kid in the picture.

Where do I go from here? Divorce? Wait and see if HE gets a divorce? Work on my marriage? Break it off with everyone and be alone?

– Lost in Love, Boston

No comments:

Post a Comment