Monday, April 11, 2011

The Kidds - A Fair Look

For no reason the other day I was reminded of Jason Kidd, the basketball player. He's always been a fine player and lived a relatively conservative life, married with 3 kids and was a church going man, as was his wife. Unfortunately, this pretty exterior, as happens in many lives, covered a rotting marriage underneath it all.

Once Jason was accused, arrested and admitted to domestic abuse, his goose was cooked. He was the big, bad monster; the super-strong super athlete who battered and crushed his helpless little wife.

What you need to do dear reader, is this: assume there was violence on both of their parts until proven otherwise. Unless there is evidence his wife never raised a hand in anger at her husband, its a far cry that he was all alone in this. Women don't need fists or weapons. They have divorce lawyers - and those are much more dangerous. Jason is a rich man. She can bankrupt him at the stroke of a pen, and they both know it. So she stayed in the relationship, and further, given that he is seen as some super-strong Hercules, she has carte-blanche to wail on him as she pleases. No one will notice, care or believe that he was the victim of HER hostility. Her hostility, I'm sure she well knows, is totally immune from prosecution, more or less.

Women are not always diminutive and meek. They're not always submissive and helpless. This woman bagged herself a professional athlete who could give she and her children a very comfortable life; he provides a lot of resources. There was COMPETITION for him. STIFF competition. I was in college with athletes like this. There were literally women LINED UP to sleep with these guys and "catch" them. Jason's wife was aggressive and motivated - she could not have been otherwise. So as much as he aggressively pursued her, that was the case for BOTH of them, not just one.

Jason pleaded GUILTY, and attended anger management classes:

In January 2001, Jason Kidd was arrested and pleaded guilty to a domestic abuse charge for assaulting his wife Joumana in anger. As part of his plea, Kidd was ordered to attend anger management classes for six months. Kidd completed the mandatory counseling and continued to attend on his own and it was reported that Kidd has since given up alcohol.

Jason continued to attend classes ON HIS OWN. Doesn't sound like something a monster would do. Hmmmm. He also gave up alcohol! No small thing! I know I couldn't do that. So it seems this man made a legitimate effort to turn his life in a different direction.

What about his wife? Did she get help for her problems? Ahhhhh. You didn't have that question, did you, dear reader? Because you thought after reading the headline, there was only one "problem party" here and that was Mr. Kidd, the beast athlete who couldn't control his temper. With him "fixed" everything should be fine because his wife didn't do anything wrong, right?
He and his wife were both active in their church and were thought to have completely reconciled. On January 9, 2007, Jason Kidd filed for divorce against his wife, citing "extreme cruelty" during their relationship. Kidd contended intense jealousy, paranoia, and the threat of "false domestic abuse claims" to the police as reasons for the divorce.
Whups. There it is. He received treatment, for his problems. And made SOME measure of progress, I assume. His wife did not receive treatment on the assumption she had no problem. But I'm guessing Jason returned home to find his wife was just as dysfunctional as ever, it seems largely the result of a poor self-esteem and extreme anxiety. And what do you know, she threatened her husband with more claims of domestic violence. Why not? She was probably as guilty as he was the first time, but they only arrested and convicted him - so now DV is leverage for her to use against him. This is a classic psychology case, by the way. When two people are dysfunctional, their relationship is based on those dysfunctions. Here, one person suddenly eliminated their dysfunction, even if only temporarily, but the other didn't - she tried to start up their dysfunctional relationship again and his response? I WANT OUT. I'm not playing this crazy game with you anymore, crazy lady. Her response? Make good on her threats:
On February 15, 2007 Joumana Kidd filed a counterclaim for divorce,[21] claiming that the NBA star—among countless instances of abuse—"broke her rib and damaged her hearing by smashing her head into the console of a car". The couple have three children (Trey Jason (T.J.), and twins Miah and Jazelle).[22]

Did Jason do any of those things? I don't know. But she called the police during one of their fights. If the severe fight was so bad, why didn't she call the police then as well? Or any of the "other" times she alleges? I'm guessing because she was part of the violence and not strictly the victim of it. She was married to him. She knew how to get a reaction out of him, even a negative one and she did. Fights of these sorts happen because one person isn't getting what they want from the other, so they push and push and push - the other doesn't know what they want and so they eventually snap and violence ensues. They both did it, they both wanted it, they both needed help to stop it.

Jason has since moved on with his life. Is he a wonderful man who should receive medals for being moral and upright? I don't know. I know he got help with the court's order and he was not arrested for violence after that. The new woman in his life has not claimed he has savagely attacked her, and that at least is evidence that he HAS CHOSEN a woman with whom he will not have that vicious, violent dynamic with. This is in essence a much healthier relationship for him.

Jason Kidd announced on his website that he will marry fiancee Porschla Coleman, with whom he has a son, on September 10, 2010. Porschla is a former model and has taken over the reins of the Jason Kidd Foundation.[23]

I have not seen any news of his ex-wife. She did a little t.v. broadcasting and on her website declares herself to be an actress and journalist. She's done some minor t.v. and movie roles, all spin-offs from her modeling career or from being viewed as the innocent battered woman:

One which is titled “Getting Even” in which she plays the principle role of Phillippian Owens, California’s former top advertising executive whose proposal to the love of her life has gone sour.

I can find no information of her receiving treatment for her problems or of establishing a healthy emotional commitment to another man. She also has custody of their 3 children, which itself is a full-time job. I can only wish her the best, but it seems to be she has no intention of changing and is trying to fill her life with a career that is largely based on the fact that she's pleasing to look at. You will find that if she does take up with another man, he too will be accused of beating her or some other domestic altercation. Same person, same result. Its sad the kids have to be in that kind of high-risk environment. But no one cares. No one will accuse her of anything and no one will suggest the kids are better off with Jason (even though he is the only one to receive treatment for his psychological problems).

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