Monday, August 01, 2011

The Secret Lives of Wives

Socrates said it best: Want to be a solider? Then do what soldiers do. Want to be a fisherman? Then do what fisherman do.

You won't know WHY they do it, at first. But eventually you will. And if you don't start doing what they do, you never will.

Want to be a wife, ladies?

Do what wives do.

Don't know what they do?


The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What it Really Takes to Stay Married

Either this generation of college-educated moms and dads has it figured out — "peer" marriages where both parents are in the yoke and duties are shared — or they have seen the headlines that warn of poor outcomes for children of single parents. And this cohort of parents wants only the best outcomes for their children.
In any case, it is easier to put the kids first if you remember too well the pain and confusion of your own parents' divorce. Even if the break-up is civilized, the disruption is tough on children.
This is a different spin on "staying together for the sake of the kids," and it is a worthy goal. But how do you make it to the finish line? What happens when the magic ends?
Author Iris Krasnow, who has been chronicling the angst of Boomers since she wrote "Surrendering to Motherhood" in 1997, has just completed a new book, "The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What it Really Takes to Stay Married." It is due out in October.
She spent two years interviewing 200 couples who had been married from 15 to 70 years to find out what makes marriage last.Understand that no one else can make you happy, Ms. Krasnow said. Only you can do that.
"If we all left our marriages when they became unromantic, none of us would be married. The renewal has to spring from within."
If this generation is expecting to stay married, they have their work cut out for them. They need to start, Ms. Krasnow said, by lowering their expectations. "The march down the aisle is not a march to happiness."

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