Jezebel: Just Say No.

What is the point of Jezebel.com? I can't figure it out.

Other than being a collection of embittered, post-prime girls with too much intellect and too little practical philosophy, I can't tell who they are or what they want. Whining and mocking, they do nothing but complain that men, and the world does not bend to accommodate them for who they are. They are generally selfish, self-serving, and demanding and immature. The best advice I could give to a young girl who wanted to meet someone and get married would be to go Jezebel.com every day and do the opposite of what it is they espouse.

Their latest guffaw:

The Catholic Church Urges Women to Not Be So Darn Picky

The Catholic Church is quite fond of giving women impractical and terrible advice, but one priest in Australia is taking it to a whole new level.

I'm not a big fan of the Catholic Church, but they're not evil for chrissake. Many in the church love helping people and that's what brought them to church in the first place. Priests have some of the highest job satisfaction rates in the country. Further, people go to church VOLUNTARILY. They want stability and direction and they want to stay true to what it is THEY THEMSELVES really want. Fleeting romances, flings, gambling, cheating, stealing, drinking - these things don't make people happy. Few people achieve lifelong happiness by being fickle, selfish, and egotistical. Families are demanding and so are marriages. The church generally tries to tell families to forgive, love and be grateful for what they have. To try to rise above personal greed or fleeting desires. I can't say that's terrible advice. Can you?

New statistics suggest that there are far fewer eligible men in Australia than there are women between the ages of 25 and 34. Cue a marriage crisis! Father Tony Kerin obviously just wants to help ladies live the dream of landing a man for life, so he said on behalf of the Archdiocese of Melbourne,

Are women getting too choosy? I'd say yes. I think many are setting aside their aspirations for later, but by the time they get around to it, they've missed their chance. In trying to have it all, they end up missing out.

Well, you heard the church: LOCK IT IN. Quick, before it's too late and you die alone and miserable—or worse, you have to become a nun.

First off, calm down Ms. Author. Father Kerin didn't demand you get married. Where did you see that? Furthermore, how old is this author? 18? I'm 34 and I can't find a woman who doesn't want to get married! Nearly ALL women want to get married EVENTUALLY. Grown-ups, which the author has not graduated to, apparently, know this - its something that becomes obvious with experience. Furthermore, has the author read any articles in modern day magazines (try The Atlantic) written by WOMEN who are in their early 40s who talk about all the great men THEY passed up to get something just a little "dreamier," and winding up with a 45 year old man, divorced, bankrupt, and trying to make it as an actor?

So let's review to make sure we understand exactly how to follow Kerin's plan: if a girl wants to get married (which obviously she does because what else is there in life?), she shouldn't waste time building a career or trying to find someone who she loves and who makes her happy.

Yes, sweetheart that's right. But let me break it down for you much less gently than the good Father. Men are programmed to see you as a young, healthy breeding platform for their DNA. (see Darwin). Its just a fact of nature. And as you don't want an old, broke man, men don't want a past-their-prime-live-at-work woman. You won't be available for sex or else be tired for it, and your body will become unattractive. Your career means jack-shit to a man. JACK. SHIT. He wants you young, healthy, and sexy. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you as a person; it simply means being you isn't enough; you have to be a good wife too. You're not just roommates with your husband. You will both have expectations and roles. You can have a career. But it is in YOUR best interests to take a SERIOUS interest in men when your appearance is healthy and strong. Get the best guy you can at your peak. Period. Find someone you love? Someone that makes you happy? Grow up. Love is sweet, but marriage is MORE OF AN AGREEMENT. And it requires MAINTENANCE. Love to you is too close to the word "Lust." Its powerful and romantic - THAT DIES. Furthermore, their is no "perfect one." There are multiple "perfect ones," and many imperfect ones and choosing one isn't the hard part; keeping things going is.

Nope, instead she should give up any non-reproduction-related aspirations and be ready to rejoice if any eligible man shows an interest in her. As soon as any guy so much as looks in her general direction, she should do whatever is necessary to make herself into his ideal woman because if she doesn't, someone else will...

He didn't say you should rejoice if a guy shows any interest in you, so this is just you projecting other the Father, but keep it up if it makes you happy. You don't have to be an ideal woman - especially considering your man won't be an ideal man. That said, being available, open minded, accepting and sexy will multiply your marriage prospects ten thousand percent. And yes, if a guy YOU WANT does not find you to be a good potential wife, then he will keep looking and someone else will get him because you were too obsessed with being rigid and selfish. This is a free world. Do as you please; just don't bitch when the world fails to make you happy. You make you happy. No one else. And why would a man want to marry someone so clearly bent on showing him how much she DOESN'T need him?!?!

Further, drop the whole "I don't need or want to get married" crap. If prince charming hoped off his steed tomorrow and begged you for lifelong marriage, you wouldn't complain that you were simply "too busy with your career." The happiest women I know are married, and usually with kids - families are a natural instinct for women to have. The Father wants women to be happy. But that can't be, right? Because you're predetermined that the Catholic Priest is evil?

 
Oh, and one more thing, never live with the fellow before marriage, because, according to Father Kerin, it means the relationship is twice as likely to end, probably because God is punishing you for being so choosy. Now throw away your standards, ladies, and start turning yourself into marriageable machines who destroy anything blocking their path down the aisle.

What does living with someone have to do with being choosy? And is the Father right? Is the relationship twice as likely to end? Are you avoiding marriage by living with a guy? Truthfully? Women that want to get married share themselves with men of character and are accepting people. But stand your ground, build your career, reject all the men you took too long to find or considered dating, and die alone, PLEASE. Because that way you can prove to the world how right you are.