Furthermore, her conclusions are the result of what is not even sound thinking. The title reads "Spanking may worsen children's aggression," then she goes on to state that spanking "increases the likelihood" of depression, anxiety, and even cheating and criminal behaviors when the child becomes an adult.
Increases the likelihood? By how much exactly? If you one day take a sip of alcohol, that increases the likelihood that one day you will become an alcoholic, especially compared to someone who has never had a sip of alcohol, but are you really worried you'll become an alcoholic? "Increases the likelihood" is your first tip: THE CONNECTION BETWEEN SPANKING AND IRREPARABLE LIFE-LONG DAMAGE IS WEAK AT BEST.
Finally we get some hardcore truth, hahahah. Ready?
One of his landmark studies found that children who were spanked an average of twice a week to reduce physical aggression were more likely to have greater aggression two years later compared with those who weren’t spanked. Their risk increased along with the frequency of spanking.
Jesus, no kidding. You mean whacking a kid TWICE PER WEEK "ON AVERAGE" resulted in bad behavior? Imagine that. I've spanked my son 3 times.... IN HIS WHOLE LIFE. Once when he was trying to shove a paperclip in a light socket and ignored repeated pleadings from me to stop, once when he was jumping on his bed at bed time, and ignoring me entirely while I spoke to him, and once when he was acting out in the car and fussing and crying for no reason and refused to stop after being asked politely about 5 times along with various other offerings, pleadings and suggestions. That's it. I asked him if he remembers being spanked (he's 10 now). He just blinks and looks confused and says "No." - its clear he has no idea what I'm talking about. So much for sparking a lifetime of "Depression, anxiety and criminal behavior."
Why did I spank him three times? Twice he was asking for it, and once was mainly because his mother and I had separated and he was acting out constantly and it needed to stop (jumping on the bed). That's it. I could've spanked him more, but it was unnecessary. If he was acting out I would tell him that he needed to stop, needed to listen to me, and if he did not, he would be spanked even though I did not want to spank him and took no pleasure in it, I WOULD IF NECESSARY. When I made good on my threats, the action taken was no longer necessary - he knew what was coming. And how fast did he learn? 3 times. That's how fast. I needed to prove my word to him 3 times, that's it. He adapted and looked for other ways to get what he wanted after that. He knew when I said something, I meant it. He still got ice cream and stayed up late from time to time. I didn't run a gulag. But when push came to shove and order needed to restored, he knew it would be martial law and he would lose, so it was better to cooperate and look for an opening later. Kids are clever. They will behave if it means good thing for them. If they get good things REGARDLESS of their behavior, well then YOU HAVE MADE A MONSTER.
If you are spanking a kid 2 times a week, you are a bad parent, an idiot, or worse. Otherwise your child is a train wreck, learning disabled, blind/deaf/and dumb and probably autistic. I was spanked once as a kid. And I deserved more than that. My dad was clipped a few times. My grandfather was spanked MANY times. Did me, my gramps, father, mother or anyone else in my family have any serious behavioral problems resulting directly from spanking? No. No one was spanked TWICE A WEEK, which is nearly tantamount to REGULAR CHILD ABUSE. To wit - how does Mr. Straus and others below identify the difference between spanking and REGULAR CHILD ABUSE? Its not discussed.
Further, what qualifies as "spanking?!?!" A few incidental taps, or brutal whacking a bare butt? With your hand? With a hair brush? Belt?
You only ever need your hand. 99% of spanking is just getting your child to listen to you and respect your wishes. ITS DANGEROUS if they don't - this occurred to me when my son was 9/10ths of the way to electrocuting himself. As far as severity of the spanking, with my son, I had to tap him enough to smart 2 of the 3 times - the other time, the spanking was more emblematic; I tapped him so lightly there is no way it could've hurt. My son always fought back with the only thing he could: he shamed me. He wailed like I had just cut his arm off. Even when I knew for certain he was fine. That's what kids do - they play on your emotions. They know how. They see you feel guilty when you've been mean to them, they know when they cry you rush to their aid. They can play you like a violin. That's what kids do. They all have an evil streak. Everyone does. Did you ask your boss for a raise or the pretty girl to the dance after you had disappointed them or after you had impressed them? Come on, give me a break. You wait until the time is right and then you pounce. Just like a kid.
The article doesn't stop though. They really want to show off their comedic timing:
“Spanking is a traumatic experience that can cause small losses in the brain’s gray matter,” explained Straus, “causing behavioral changes.” His research also found that spanking was linked to a lowering of IQ levels in children who were frequently spanked.
Spanking doesn't make you stupid. For chrissake. It can be traumatic, yeah. That needs to be closely monitored. But like most parents, I gave PRODIGIOUS warnings before spanking. To be suddenly assaulted with no warning will cause anyone extreme fear and that's probably not a great thing to do to a kid. That said, every child psychologist will tell you; the thing that scares and upsets a kid most is something sudden and unexpected. Much more so than the nature of that thing.
Then he gets murky again. What foolishness.
“Of course, some kids aren’t harmed at all by spanking, just like some heavy smokers suffer no harm from cigarettes,” Straus said. “But they’re the lucky ones as opposed to the unlucky ones who suffer harmful side effects.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics has long recommended against physical punishment, saying its of “limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects.”
He says some kids aren't harmed by "spanking." Again. How often? How hard? Its all vague. And no, smoking heavily and being regularly beaten, are not the same thing. Smoking heavily kills most people and a small few "escape." People choose to smoke and are warned about what its doing to them. Being involuntarily assaulted by someone you love is a different animal entirely. My son was not harmed by "spanking" - as I DEFINE IT. Very rare, done with warnings, and only when absolutely necessary. To spank him every week, at least twice? He'd be in therapy for chrissake. That's just totally unnecessary. Kids learn LIGHTENING FAST - FAR faster than you and I, who are old and slow. Kids are BUILT to learn; their SURVIVAL DEPENDS ON IT. If you are spanking them for a CONSISTENT REASON, it will take them 2-4 times of it before they learn - and that's for a boy. A girl may be as few as once, if any at all.
So what does the article's author do? Declare all spanking of any kind at any time for any reason to be evil and therefore unacceptable. Wow, nice middle ground, you have there.
So what does she do instead?
"I’ve been able to hold myself back and have resorted to screaming instead, and that’s likely a good thing..."
First off lady, where the Hell is your husband? He was a boy you know. He knows when boys are pushing their luck and when they are just boys being boys. Your sons are pulling the same stunts he pulled as a kid. MEN RECOGNIZE THE SAME THINGS THEY TRIED TO GET AWAY WITH! Consult with the expert for chrissake. Do you think your husband would be the all-knowing wizard Merlin if you had 2 daughters instead? No. You'd be telling him what time it was. For the same reason; recognizing your own bad behavior as such.
Secondly, why don't you ask the good doctors about VERBAL ABUSE. That is a real thing, you know. And IT CAN VERY WELL BE VERY HARMFUL! My mother vented her frustration with screaming. She screamed so hard and so long I would later lament how sorry I was she did not hit me instead; all the screaming can literally crush one's self-esteem. By the way, when your sons grow up and marry a woman who screams at them, try and act surprised.
The author gives a list of guidelines. I've got my own [real life] list:
1. Throw your kid a bone from time to time. Kids haven't much control over their life and that makes anyone throw a tantrum. But if you give them choices to solve their problems, do not give them too much time or too many choices or you'll be in a quagmire worse then Iraq at its peak.
2. Ask yourself what is better for your child: a 10 minute screaming seminar on how bad they've been, or a 2 minute spank after a clear warning that allows them to remember what is "over the line" in terms of behavior?
3. You and your husband must keep a good marriage because it is best for the family and good marriages take time and effort. Wild, unruly kids drain your energy and time and can ruin your marriage and lead you to resent your family and children. Divorce is NOT AN OPTION. Make sure your kids (over the age of 2.5, or so) LISTEN to you and act in a reasonably prompt fashion to your directions. Reward good behavior, punish bad behavior. All bad behavior gets ONE WARNING AND ONE WARNING ONLY, after that, its a spanking. If you can't do it, THEN TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO.
Marvel at how fast the kids learn.
4. Accept your kids are darling angels trying to manipulate YOU to do THEIR bidding. You provide, food, water, shelter, t.v., toys, movies, Christmas, and Halloween. YOU HAVE LEVERAGE. USE IT. When kids are bad, ONLY THE NECESSITIES ARE GIVEN - food, water, shelter. When they are good, there are extras - t.v., movies, sweets, etc.. KIDS LEARN FAST.
5. Do not abuse your authority, BUT LET THE KIDS KNOW YOU ARE IN CHARGE. PERIOD. They will CHALLENGE YOUR AUTHORITY. CRUSH ALL SUCH CHALLENGES. PERIOD.
6. Play with your kids. Have fun with them. Tell them good, uplifting things, make them confident, tell them to expect success, tell them you know how capable they are, tell them they can get their own drink-cookie-napkin-toy-etc.. Don't render them helpless slaves because you like feeling needed. They will know you have multiple sides: fun, nice mommy and daddy, who they get most of the time, and the mommy and daddy who give no quarter, who come out when they are being unnecessarily naughty.
7. Quick, ruthless punishment after a warning for bad behavior gets everything over fast and painlessly. The crying will be done within minutes. Screaming, shouting, begging, pleading, bribing... these alternatives are terrible and will make things worse in the end - you'll just wind up giving more and more and more and build into your kids a false sense of entitlement. They demand and you give - just think about that for a second!
8. Notice professional child care givers, not hack academics. Who knows more about controlling child behavior, a daycare provider of 20 years experience or a bookworm who has no kids of his own and is searching for evidence to prove his "theory?"
9. Parent separately if you like, but if one parent's methods are better, faster, and more effective than the others, ADOPT THE WINNING STRATEGY.
10. Threats work. My father SPOILS my son rotten, but when my son pushes his grampy to the edge, my father threatens my son with ME - because I'm the hammer, like it or not and this snaps my son back into shape REAL FAST. Someone is going to be "the bad guy" who enforces order. Take turns, or else, be more efficient and elect ONE PARENT to do the dirty work. Either way, someone has to stop taking excuses and get the kids fed and into bed ON TIME. Do you want to be the family "General" or would you like your husband to roll up his sleeves and do the dirty work? Also, dads out there? Your wife is waiting for you to "man up" and start kicking ass. They're just little kids, you are a huge, hairy gorilla. Intimidate and conquer when you must - ITS YOUR JOB, YOU'RE THE STRONGEST PERSON IN THE HOUSE. I once told a girlfriend, "If my son doesn't behave I'm picking him up and putting him in his room. She said: He'll get up and run out! I said: Then I'll tie him to the bedpost. I make the rules in this house. Period." .... then I glanced at her and said "The same goes for you!" Did she come at me with a nasty feminist comment about how we are equal and that I shouldn't dare talk to her like that?
No. She smiled and laughed a little. A just, central authority makes everyone relax. When dad kicks ass mom, sooner or later, embraces it, because it saves her from having to do it. Women in the 1950s didn't lift a finger to discipline the children. They let dad do the dirty work and when dad wasn't home they reminded the children that dad would be home soon enough and if he received any bad reports from mom, they were TOAST.
Kids minded mom just as well as dad.
Spanking may worsen children’s aggression: what works instead?
As the mother of two sons, I’ve been tempted on more than one occasion to break up one of their physical fights with a smack on their bottoms. I’ve been able to hold myself back and have resorted to screaming instead, and that’s likely a good thing since the latest review of research on spanking published this week in the Canadian Medical Journal suggests that it’s counter-productive and actually leads kids to hit, kick, or bite even more.
It turns out, those parental slaps increase the risk of aggressive behavior both in childhood and adulthood.
“The findings have been very consistent over the past 20 years,” said study author Joan Durrant, a psychologist at the University of Manitoba. “Physical punishment predicts only negative long-term outcomes.”
Besides increased aggression, spanking increases the likelihood of depression, anxiety, and even cheating and criminal behaviors when the child becomes an adult. It also weakens the parent-child bond so “parents have less influence in setting an example of morally correct behavior,” said Murray Straus, a University of New Hampshire sociologist who has been studying spanking for more than 20 years.
Researchers have improved their methods of studying spanking by assessing children through the years, rather than asking adults to remember how often they were spanked -- which can yield unreliable recollections.
“If a child ranks in the top fifth among peers for misbehaviors, does he move up or down in this ranking as he gets older and does this correlate with how often he was spanked?” said Straus. One of his landmark studies found that children who were spanked an average of twice a week to reduce physical aggression were more likely to have greater aggression two years later compared with those who weren’t spanked. Their risk increased along with the frequency of spanking.
A study published this week by other researchers found that even in cultures where spanking is considerable acceptable, kids who are spanked have the same increased risk of becoming more aggressive.
“Spanking is a traumatic experience that can cause small losses in the brain’s gray matter,” explained Straus, “causing behavioral changes.” His research also found that spanking was linked to a lowering of IQ levels in children who were frequently spanked.
“Of course, some kids aren’t harmed at all by spanking, just like some heavy smokers suffer no harm from cigarettes,” Straus said. “But they’re the lucky ones as opposed to the unlucky ones who suffer harmful side effects.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics has long recommended against physical punishment, saying its of “limited effectiveness and has potentially deleterious side effects.”
Durrant pointed out that other forms of punishment -- such as belittling, humiliating, or embarrassing a child -- can be just as harmful in terms of damaging a child’s psyche. But, she added, “certainly children need discipline and guidance, clear expectations, and a good understanding of the impact of their behavior.”
First and foremost, she said, parents should act as positive role models, modeling behavior that they want their kids to mimic. Note to self: Scream a lot, and don’t be surprised when your kids scream back.
Durrant recommends these five steps for parents to take when kids are misbehaving:
1. Consider your long-term goals. What sort of values are you trying to instill in your child? What behaviors do you want to model?
2. Remember that children need to feel your respect, love, and understanding. They also need to feel safe and secure.
3. Think about what your child needs to understand for the situation to be resolved. What can you do to help your child reach short and long term goals?
4. Consider how your child thinks and feels at this stage of development. Put yourself in your two-year-old’s shoes. After a busy day with no nap, would you have trouble staying quiet through a cousin’s recital?
5. Respond in a way that shows respect for your child. Acknowledge what he or she is feeling and provide useful solutions to address the situation.
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